


What Happens Within (Alternative Title: The Kisses We Didn't Get to See)

by Snoelled



Series: A Collection of Connverse Firsts [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon), steven universe future - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Between Steven's decorruption and his roadtrip, Corruption, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, I will, If the crew won't tell us what happened, My baby boy gets some much needed TLC, Sleepy Cuddles, post-corruption
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:41:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24601774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snoelled/pseuds/Snoelled
Summary: The contact of Connie’s arms against his bare back set his nerves on fire in the best way. He couldn’t stop his eyes from welling up a little bit. “Thank you,” Steven said, choking up. Connie hugged him tighter. “Let’s get you to bed.”-Basically, I decided if the Crewniverse isn't going to tell us what happened between Steven's de-corruption and the day he leaves on his road trip, I'll do it myself. Then I also wanted to write Connie and Steven's first kiss because their first on-screen kiss couldn't have been their first real kiss. So, I decided, why not do it all at once!Note: This will be part of a bigger series, but I'm separating these two chapters out to allow for a GA rating here.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe
Series: A Collection of Connverse Firsts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1778407
Comments: 13
Kudos: 70





	1. When You Spent the Night

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This will be part of a bigger series, but I'm separating these two chapters out to allow for a GA rating on this fic. Chapter 2 will be up super soon I'm already almost done with it so don't fret! Enjoy some wholesome Connie/Steven content, there isn't enough of it.

When Garnet carried him back to shore and up the steps in her arms, Steven had felt so secure. All of the fear, all of the trauma, and all of the anxiety were still there of course, but they were at bay for the moment. His mind was stilled by his friends and family, overwhelmed and full of love and happiness, especially for the little things. Like how his dad wrapped him up in a new fluffy blanket as soon as they walked through the door since the blue one soaked through with saltwater and tears (and Lion’s spit) on the Cluster's hand. How Amethyst and Peridot set up the TV in the living room without much discussion. How Pearl made tea and Amethyst pulled snacks from every corner of the house. How the rest of his family piled onto the floor with the lights off. How, through all of it, Connie and his dad never left his side. All of this, just to give Steven some time to relax and feel loved. (Minus the Diamonds of course. Steven assumed the others asked them to return home. Regardless of why, he was grateful for that little thing too.) Wedged between Connie and his dad, Steven felt how he imagined the warm cup of tea between his hands felt. Calm, secure, warm, cared for, satisfied. It was a sense of peace with himself that he hadn’t known for at least a year. 

The TV was playing a silly cartoon show Steven had seen a thousand times before, and so he stopped paying attention about an hour and a half in. The amount of energy the transformation had taken out of him left him drifting in and out of sleep, lulled by the comfort of his head nestled in the divot of Connie’s shoulder. When Steven glanced around, only his dad was watching the movie, one arm around Steven’s shoulders and the other relaxed in his lap. Amethyst was fast asleep next to Greg, head tilted all the way back and mouth open in a silent snore. It was possible Garnet was watching the movie. She sat criss-cross on the floor facing the TV, but her glasses made it impossible to tell, and Garnet was well known for staring off into space. On Steven’s other side past Connie, Pearl and Bismuth snuggled together, Bismuth using the couch as support, and Pearl using Bismuth as a bed. Steven could hear them whispering back and forth, chatting about stuff neither here nor there. Last but not least was Lapis and Peridot, both leaning opposite shoulders on Lion, playing a simple card game. The only thing they watched was Camp Pining Hearts, nothing else ever piqued their interest. 

It was all so peaceful and sweet. Steven tilted his head up to tell that to Connie, just to find her already looking down at him. The smile in her eyes was enough to tell Steven she already knew what he was thinking. He loved her for that. She looked so cute curled up on the couch in his clothes. Her other ones were wet and uncomfortable so she borrowed a classic Steven red-star t-shirt and gym shorts to relax in once they got inside. Adorable. He let out a small breathy laugh and tilted his face up to kiss her on the cheek, immediately reburying his face in her neck. 

“Do you want to go to bed?” Connie whispered as her free hand brushed Steven’s hair out of his eyes. “I don’t want to move,” he whispered back, burying himself even further. He turned his nose further into her neck to try and fold himself into her as close as he could without fusing. She let out a breathy giggle at his antics. “What if I carry you? Will you come to bed then?” Steven let out an unintelligible grumble. “You should get some real sleep Steven,” came his father’s voice, soft and friendly. It was a tone he only used with Steven, barely above a whisper and full of gentle love. “Oookayyy.” Steven dragged the word out, yawning at the end. He didn’t move. He was so comfortable and warm, why couldn’t he sleep here? “Alright let’s go,” Connie said with a fond giggle. 

Next thing Steven knew, he was in Connie’s arms like a baby. That was fine with him. Steven buried his face in her shoulder again and let out another yawn. “So strong,” he mumbled into her neck. He could hear both Connie and his dad laugh quietly as she moved to walk up the stairs. Steven could feel everyone’s eyes on him. They were only here to be with him, after all. Pearl spoke up first. “Going to bed, Steven?” He let out a small “mhm” from his spot in Connie’s grasp. A symphony of soft good nights and we love you’s rang out around him. “I love you guys too,” Steven mustered, lifting his head ever so slightly to try and show everyone how much he meant it with the little energy he had left. He hoped they got the message. When they made it to Steven’s bed, Connie laid down him gently. Steven immediately curled up in the center of the bed, still burrito-ed in the blanket. Another fond laugh resonated from Connie. 

“C’mon Steven at least get under the covers.” 

“Nooooo.” 

“Please?” 

“I’m so comfyyyy.” 

Connie sighed, “You’re so silly. Here, I’ll help.” Connie stepped forward and grasped at the red blanket, unwinding it from around Steven. “Wait!” Connie halted at his quiet panic. “...I don’t have clothes on under the blanket. I forgot.” Steven could feel how warm his face was, positive that it was bright red, even in the darkness of his room. He waited for the anxiety to follow the embarrassment, positive he would start glowing pink. He didn’t get a chance before Connie easily said, “Let me grab you some pajamas,” with a loving and soft giggle laced through it. Steven let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.  _ Calm. Peace. Everything is okay. Stuff like this isn’t a big deal.  _ Steven tried to remind himself that as he nodded his thanks to Connie.

As soon as she turned to rummage through the drawers, Steven sat up against the headboard and rearranged the blanket to ensure he was still covered, tucking in any edges for safety. It wasn’t like Connie hadn’t seen him naked before, but it was always in situations they couldn’t help. Steven tried to recall them all in his mind. The first time was when they were younger on Homeworld and shared Pink Diamond’s room. Younger Steven had no regard for modesty and changed in front of Connie as he needed. She didn't voice opinions on it at the time but always asked him to turn around when she changed. Steven didn't think deeper of it now, it was very on-brand for them at that stage in their friendship. The next was as Stevonnie on the Jungle Moon planet (although Steven still wasn’t sure if that counted). Finding out they had both male and female genitalia was a bit awkward for two kids, especially since Connie was 12 years old. (Not that Steven being 13 made it much better.) But, when you have to pee, you have to pee.  _ You can’t exactly avoid looking when you’re one person and that one person is them so it doesn’t really matter and… _ the thought process started to hurt Steven’s brain so he decided to stop. The first time Connie saw him naked when they were old enough to get it was at the hospital. Steven expanded beyond the hospital gown from his anxieties that day, large enough to crack the ceiling with his back. He wasn't sure how much she saw as he expanded and contracted, he had other things on his mind that day. He was sure Connie did too. Even a few hours ago when he came down from the monster form he had been uncovered, but Steven couldn’t remember the details of those moments. He wasn't sure how he ended up on the Cluster's hand or when he was given a blanket. Like the hospital, he wasn’t sure if Connie had actually seen anything.  _ What great ways for your girlfriend to see you naked for the first time, _ Steven sulked. 

“Here we are!” Connie interrupted Steven’s thoughts. She smiled at him from where she was standing at the foot of the bed. Steven reached an arm out from the blanket, grabbing the comfy pajama pants and underwear Connie found. Pajamas in hand, Steven waited for Connie to either turn around or leave the room. She didn’t budge. Connie blinked down at Steven for a few more seconds before asking, “Well, are you going to change?” Steven could hear the genuine confusion in her voice. “Uhhhh…” Steven flicked his eyes around the room, unnerved by the intense eye contact. “Are you going to… watch?” He asked, scrunching his still-red face up at the thought. That seemed to snap Connie out of her stupor. “Oh! Sorry! I’ll go wait at the bottom of the stairs!” Connie rushed out of the room and down the steps, seating herself just out of Steven’s sight at the bottom.  _ She's probably used to me not caring. _ Steven reasoned with himself as he dragged himself out of the bed and onto his feet.  _ Aw man, I made her uncomfortable then since she was fine with it. What if she feels like she upset me?  _ The worry made Steven dress as fast as he could. He poked his head around the corner when he finished, calling out to Connie, “You can come back now.” When she turned her head around, her eyes were full of worry. It melted into a small smile when she saw Steven’s face.  Steven wasn’t sure why Connie hadn’t given him a shirt with his PJs, but he was grateful she didn’t when she pulled him into a hug at the top of the stairs. The contact of Connie’s arms against his bare back set his nerves on fire in the best way. He couldn’t stop his eyes from welling up a little bit. “Thank you,” Steven said, choking up. Connie hugged him tighter. “Let’s get you to bed.”

Sleeping next to Connie was another thing he usually only got to do in dire situations. So, when Steven crawled under his covers and she followed suit on the other side, it was a pleasant surprise. Steven turned on his side to face her. “This is nice,” he admitted, already feeling sleep start to set in again. “Yeah, it is.” Connie was smiling back at him, laying on her side as well. Something in Connie seemed to hesitate as she cast her eyes around the dark room before settling back on Steven. She opened her mouth only to close it again. Steven was about to ask her what was wrong when she finally spoke: “Can I kiss you?” The question shocked Steven awake. He loved Connie’s cheek kisses and hugs and small touches, but they had never actually kissed before. Which was a bit of weird thought given everything they had been through together and the fact that they were 15 and 16 years old. Steven didn’t realize how long he had been thinking until Connie’s eyebrows began to crease in worry. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to! Sorry, that was a dumb question you’re probably so stressed right now and-” “I want to,” Steven cut her off. “I- I really, really want to.” Steven started leaning toward her in the bed, a bit awkward given they were both laying down. He stopped when Connie put a firm hand on his bare chest. “Are you sure? You don’t have to say yes if you don’t want to, that’s why I asked. And today has been a lot for you. I- I just thought...” Connie's voice trailed off. She was biting her lip, barely making eye contact with Steven as her cheeks slowly got redder. “It’s kind of silly that we haven’t yet honestly,” Steven replied, voicing his thoughts from earlier. “Plus, I think I'd like to have some good memories from today. That would be nice.” That got Connie to smile and scoot in closer to him.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Connie,” Steven said with a laugh.

“Double sure?”

“Yessss!” 

“Triple sur-”

Steven didn’t let her finish that time, leaning in to cover her mouth with his own. The positioning was awkward in his bed with Connie mid-sentence and it didn’t last longer than a second, but it worked. When he pulled back, there were stars in Connie’s eyes. “You cut me off!” She laughed, pouncing on him for a second kiss. This one was longer, steadier, more sure of itself. With both of Connie’s hands framing Steven’s face, she held them in it for a while before pulling her face a fraction of an inch away, smiling wide. Steven was sure his face looked the same, incapable of stopping his smile if he wanted to. “I love you,” they said at the same time. They shared a good laugh, arms finding their way around one another with Connie half on top of him and her face in his shoulder. 

When Connie lifted her head back up after a few comfortable minutes, Steven’s eyes were fighting to stay open as he smiled down at her. “Want to cuddle and go to sleep?” Connie asked, a huge smile still plastered on her face, starting to feel tired herself. “I would love to. Big spoon or little spoon?” Steven asked, half-joking and half-asleep. The question seemed to catch Connie off guard. “Can I be big spoon?” She asked in an excited whisper like she didn’t realize it was actually an option. Steven had to admit, being little spoon did sound nice after everything he had been through that day. “I’d like that,” he whispered, turning around in the bed to put his back to her. Connie wasted no time in sliding up behind him under the covers and wrapping her arms around him, once again making him very aware of his lack of shirt. “Goodnight,” she whispered, planting a firm kiss between his shoulder blades. “Goodnight,” he whispered back. It only took seconds after that for Steven to fall asleep, wonderfully warm and content for the first time in a long time.


	2. Me With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven has a nightmare the night of his transformation. Nothing works better than a dose of Connie to keep him going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long. I started a new job working with 5-year-olds every day and I physically could not finish chapter 2 in one go. Chapter 3 will be much happier and longer and Connverse firsts<3

_Bright. Too bright. Pink storm clouds swarmed overhead, but it didn’t stop the light. The light was blinding, air hot and humid to the point of boiling. The clouds looked ready to explode at any moment. It didn’t make sense. Nauseating. The silence was deafening. All the swirling with no wind, as if the air moved without the earth. Steven stood there for what felt like hours, trying to piece together the view around him. He was sure he would pass out as every aching minute ticked by. He wanted the silence to stop. He tried screaming, but no noise came out. He tried moving, but his legs wouldn’t budge. He tried turning around, but he couldn’t turn his gaze left or right. The mute storm continued to threaten to let loose around him. Where was he? A voice crackled across the landscape, so sudden in the silent void. Steven felt the noise shattering in his skull. “It won’t be that easy.” The voice felt familiar. Emotionless, but like he was coming home. Safe. Steven tried to reply. Something, anything. No words came out. A choked sob wracked his chest. It felt like someone was turning up the contrast of the world. The clouds got darker, magenta in hue. The light got brighter, blindingly pink. Where did that voice come from? Steven could barely see but couldn’t close his eyes either, unable to squint at the landscape. “Up.” Steven did as he was told, looking up. Seeing the swirling clouds made the nausea worse. He felt so small beneath them. Almost in the clouds above his head was- was his gem? What? Steven tried to glance down at his stomach, only to find no body where his own should be. If he could puke, he would have. Looking up was much better, even with the intense light radiating from his gem half’s body. “It’s not over. I won’t let them-_ Steven? Steven can you hear me? _” That was weird. The sudden switch and amount of concern in his gems voice at that last part was definitely not something Steven had experienced before. Almost… feminine? The clouds swirling started to slow, much to Steven’s appreciation. Background noise started to filter into the desolate land. Air. Breathing. The rumble of movement. Steven’s non-existent stomach steadied a bit._ “C’mon! Wake up!” _That definitely wasn’t his gem’s voice. But as his gem’s mouth moved with the words, the light from his body dimmed. The landscape started to even out. Steven felt a pinch on his cheek. He yelped in response, trying to bring a hand up to cradle the pain, only to remember he didn’t have hands. A groan escaped him. “What on earth is happening?” He managed to grit out, feeling close to puking again._

“Steven!” The shaking woke him up. Steven sat up straight in bed, immediately noticing the pink glow of his skin. He was still trying to separate dream from reality when someone spoke, “Are you-”. _HOly Fu-_ Steven jumped straight out of bed, flinging himself onto the ground. “Owwwww,” Steven groaned, moving to rub his head where it made impact with the ground. “Oh my gosh! Steven are you okay?” He peered up at the bed, forcing his eyes open through the pain. It was Connie. What? Connie? What was Connie doing in his room? Oh… OH. She slept over. The realization made Steven feel stupid. “Sorry! Aw man, you scared the crap out of me,” He said with a nervous laugh, sure that she could see his blush now that the pink glow stopped. “I’m sorry,” Connie embarrassed expression matched his own. Steven wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or worse.

Steven took a moment to catch his breath, taking in his surroundings. His room was dim, the single bedside lamp illuminating the back of Connie’s head as she watched him. The darkness meant it was still nighttime. He heard Connie take in a few deep breaths. In. Hold. Out. In. Hold. Out. The rhythm soothed Steven’s own breathing. There was a pause. Then, “Steven… were you having a nightmare?” Connie asked the question with so much genuine concern, it caught Steven off-guard. It took him a second to process the question and recall his dream’s events. “Oh jeez I was I’m sorry I woke you up I should’ve known that would happen you could’ve slept on the couch downstairs instead and- and..” Steven was rambling and he knew it. He hung his head, staring at his bare feet. Anywhere other than Connie’s face sounded like a good place to look right now. Steven’s brain caught up enough to remind him to be grateful that he now leaves the TV in his room unplugged. _Oh stars what if I hadn’t and she had seen-_

“Steven,” his name sounded so soft and full of love leaving Connie’s mouth. Still, Steven flinched. He had been expecting tears or anger or something. Connie climbed out of bed, sinking down in front of him on the floor. Steven was conscious of the way they looked. Connie perched with her legs tucked underneath her, the embodiment of grace, arms extending forward to Steven. Steven sprawled heavy across the floor, legs out and head still in one hand, the other balancing the rest of his weight behind him. It was surreal. He could see outside of them, and he felt the metaphor of their positions reflecting their previous couple of weeks together. What was the word Dr. Maheswaran had given this feeling? Disassociating. Steven was disassociating. Hard. He shook his head to try and clear it, blinking hard. “S-sorry.” Steven was aware that he should stop apologizing, but he couldn’t help it. 

“No need to apologize. C’mere, silly.” Connie opened her arms even further. Steven didn’t need to be told twice. He dove into her arms, burrowing himself as far into her as he could go. Steven’s cheeks warmed, heating up with the wet streaks that started to crawl down his face. The tears were slow, happy almost. Happy to be in Connie’s arms. Happy to be home. Happy to be himself. “I love you,” Steven said, almost on instinct. Connie sucked in a fast breath. They had said those words to each other before, but it felt different this time. As soon as the words left his mouth, Steven knew it meant something else. He used to platonically say “I love you” to everyone. To Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Greg, Connie, Sadie, Lars, and all of his friends. Always with the same conviction. The words always lined themselves with genuine care and lightheartedness, like it was silly that he even needed to remind them. This was not that. They came out like a man’s dying breath, words he couldn’t take to the grave alone. Steven hid a locked treasure chest packed full of sticky notes stating everything he loved about Connie, and he placed the key in her hands. The tears poured down hotter and faster. “I love you too, Steven.” Connie’s voice was pillow-soft and warm in Steven’s ears. He could sink into her voice and suffocate forever. He would be happy with that. Maybe that was an unhealthy thought given a recent interaction they had, but Steven decided to take things one step at a time today.

Steven didn’t know how long they laid there. Time blurred with the sound of Connie’s breathing rumbling through his own chest. She was so steady. How? Steven always worried she would crack under the Crystal Gem’s lifestyle pressures. The funny thing, he guessed, was that it was him, instead, whose human side couldn’t reconcile itself with everything they went through. “Hey Steven, the floor is a little uncomfortable. Why don’t we get back into bed? Would you be okay with that?” Connie whisper floated through the air. It cut through Steven's consciousness like a dull knife through warm butter. “Huh?” He woke himself up enough to comprehend her question. “Yeah… yeah of course. Sure.”

Upon clambering back into his bed, Steven realized something very bad: there’s no way he would fall asleep again. After the trauma of the day before and the nightmare forcing him to relive the emptiness… yeah, Steven's fate sealed itself to lay awake staring at the ceiling. As the realization hit, Connie turned over in bed. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’re breathing heavy.” How could one human woman be so attentive? She always knew how he felt from the tilt of his shoulders, the arch of a single brow, a twist in his upper lip. Jealousy was an understatement. Steven could only dream of that kind of power. “I don’t think I can fall asleep again after that nightmare.” Steven told himself he would start admitting things, start opening up. It was the least he could do after what he put them through when he transformed. A monster. “That makes sense,” Connie nodded in the dark, fuzzy in the shadows even with Steven’s perfect eyesight. Connie took in a deep breath. “Do you want to talk about it?” Her voice wavered at the start, tentative and soft. Steven gave the question genuine thought. _Do I want to talk about it?_ Steven had no idea what was best for his emotions on that front, but Connie was his knight, his jam bud, his best friend. She was a great place to start. If talking turned out to be a mistake, Steven had confidence she’d be there to pick up the pieces with him, even if he felt bad about it. He wished he could tell her that. “I’m afraid. I’m afraid of becoming… _that_ … again. My dream… my gem half was talking to me. But-but I didn’t have a body? And it was so quiet. But stormy? And I couldn't see he was so bright- Gosh, it was so nauseating.” That was all he could manage. His next breath wracked through his lungs, shaking every airway. It was a terrible description, but letting it out even if she didn’t understand still felt good. Connie didn’t say a word before moving forward to cuddle Steven for the third time that night, this time face to face. 

“That sounds awful, Steven. Thank you for trusting me, for talking to me. I can’t promise you much, but what I can promise you is that I’ll always be here. For this Steven, for gem Steven, for human Steven, for glowing Steven, for big Steven, for that Steven. Because they’re all you. And I mean it when I say I love YOU. All of you. Every single nook and cranny. Because I know there isn’t a single part of you that doesn’t have your heart, your soul, your mind. I know that because I can always see it, even when you’re upset and angry. You’re always you, and there isn’t a part of you I wouldn’t give my all for. That, I can promise you.” Connie never minced her words. Steven would try to convince her to be a writer someday. But today, right now, Steven had no words to respond to that. She left him a blubbering mess of love, hope, and safety. If he could bottle up this feeling to have it when he was alone, he would never feel bad again. Steven leaned forward to smash his mouth into hers, sure that now that he had this option, no other action or words could convey his emotions. Connie squeaked and brought her hands up to his face. Both of their smiles crept into their kiss. Love. So much love. The room began to glow.

Stevonnie laid in the middle of the bed, sobbing but smiling. Their arms wrapped around themself, squeezing tight. They would get through this. _They_ would get through this. Stevonnie had felt a lot of things in their days and was no stranger to the feeling of love, but something felt different. Something felt better. Stevonnie had never been so sure of themself. Like life could throw anything their way and they’d always see the other end. Love was always a large part of Stevonnie but now it felt like Stevonnie’s whole being was a projection of it. _Is this how Garnet feels?_ That was Stevonnie’s last thought as they did in seconds what would’ve taken Connie and Steven hours. Their eyes closed, and sleep overtook them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kind words and for bearing with me this fandom never ceases to make me happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to leave kudos/comments! Let me know if there's anything you're dying to see in Chapter 2 if you're here before it's out (and if it's already there comment anyways on something you'd like to see me write)! Chapter 2 is going to take place in the months we miss before Steven decides to move out and go on his road trip. See you guys soon!


End file.
